Dear Friends – Perfect or Imperfect, Tall or Short, Fat or Thin, Fair or Dark, Big or Small, Boys or Girls, Serious or Frivolous, Holy or Unholy Joe’s or Jane’s, or what ever other way you choose to describe yourself,
This is an UPDATE on how time has passed ever since I was laid on the bed as a result of my allowing my inflated ego determine my prowess and thereby forgetting that my tremendous strength rested on my brawny arms and shoulders, and that thick globe I carry on my shoulders full of some dense woody substance they call my brain which can be better described by Abha who knows the extent of it’s thickness and density better than everyone, I leaped out of bed early one morning a couple of weeks ago, awakened by the sound of a Gas cylinder being knocked around, so I leaped up and rushed to the Kitchen, hysterically admonishing ABHA for attempting to perform a task better suited for one endowed with superhuman strength like me and certainly not meant to be done by a member of the delicate tender fairer sex like her, and then pushing her aside I bent and lifted the Gas Cylinder to insert it under the slab where the Gas Stove was lying, and since the stupid architect who had designed this flat for the State Bank of India under the generally ridiculous guidelines of the Premises Department of the Local Head Office many decades ago, with lots of angles at every intersection or joining of any two wall resulting in there not being even a single room which is either square or rectangular – the house is a jigsaw puzzle enthusiasts delight – and that architect has also put his special touches to the area under the kitchen slab by building a silly 6 inch high ledge on the floor which makes it impossible to push the Gas Cylinder under the slab and neither can it be put under the kitchen slab upright, and so it has to be lifted up 6 inches, and inclined at an angle of about 23 Degrees and then put inside which means that if one is not so particular about bending ones back 23 degrees everything is alright, except when one is trying to insert a full cylinder of Cooking Gas into the aforesaid space below the kitchen slab, because I have discovered to my horror that while the Gas Cylinder slipped in quite well, there is something called a disk or disc or whatever which is placed between ever set of two vertebrae in the spine of every living homo sapien, and that silly disc thing slips out the moment that Gas Cylinder slips in, and the tirade I was under process of delivering to Abha turned into a loud strangled shriek because the disk thing between some L-5 Vertebrae in my spine chose to slip out and attacked my spinal cord which I later got to know is hanging around a few millimeters away and give a huge electric shock kind of severe pain in all the nerves of the lumbar area similar to what happens to lumberjacks when they try to ignore their brawny arms and try to lift a fallen tree using their backs instead – needless to say Abha has the habit of closing her eardrums -something like the film that snakes or frogs can suddenly generate to cover their eyes with to block out the sight of any obnoxious creature like a mongoose if it ventures into the compass of their vision - so she did not bother to respond like a good Pavitra Hindu Nari wife should have done by bursting into tears and screaming with terror, but instead she went about whatever she was dong, till my specific comment that something has cracked in my back jerked her out of her stupor – and she came and after helping me straighten out, wasted the entire drama of the moment by NOT bursting into tears and screaming with terror like she should have done, but instead she told me to get into the bed and lie flat and she brought out the Chinese TIGER balm as I kept repeating that I had a sprain in my back, and those of you who have had occasion to use that Tiger Balm thing will understand how hot it made my back as well which quite cooled the heat in my head - so I remained in Bed and before leaving for office, she put the Laptop next to the bed and a big tray full of sweets and biscuits and a thermos of the super tea she makes etc etc and with the remote control of the TV as well as the AC also with my eBook and Lots of novels which I had been planning to read but did not get time to, so I had a great time in the bed and believe me this kind of luxury happens only once in a while so if you get a chance, then really enjoy yourself!
Since I hate going to the Doctor, I have an inflated ego, and also think that I am like the INCREDIBLE HULK, I thought that it will get all right in a short while, I resisted going to the doctor and when it did not improve even after 10 days, finally Abha put her foot down heavily on the floor, got me whining and cribbing into the Car and took me to the Doctor Bones a couple of kilometers away, and he gave me such a penetrating and piercing glare of approbation, that I had no courage to even try to sidestep his directive to admit me to his hospital IMMEDIATELY, so I succumbed and there I remained for 5 full days with nurses more like dragons attending to me and lots of chaps dropping into the room every half an hour to stretch me by hanging weights from my torso or turning me on my stomach and giving electric shocks to my spine or using some heating pads which almost burnt my remaining pride to ashes etc etc – so I remembered my friend Donald and while bearing the imprisonment as well as all the bruises to my huge ego, I said what he always said – “What to do?”.
To cut a long story short I am now back to the luxury of the 5 star home which Abha has kept just right for me with all the afore said luxuries and glad to say that so shall I remain for the next couple of weeks till I get the clearance from Dr. Bones to walk – though, between you and me, I do get up sometimes in between to go to the bathroom etc (Remember that all that is hidden behind that little word ‘etc’ will never be revealed so don’t even try to ask ha ha).
I would have written more details for the more inquisitive amongst you, but it is rather tiresome to lie in bed flat on your back and write a long letter so I am keeping this short, of course I think that a short letter like this is better than clicking on the ‘like’ icon on Facebook ha ha. Just remember to avoid lifting Gas Cylinders or even Big Bank Ledgers from the floor while sitting on a chair as my good friend Cherian told me just now when he rang up from Abu Dhabi where he is located, because he did that many years ago and faced the same slip of the disk and found out that it is different from a slip of the tongue, though in the business of banking, both may have horrific consequences ha ha.
Love to all of you and yours from Abha and I
Deepak
